The One With Lightning's Cheesy Tattoo

Lightning's tattoo - Bean spent a lot of time with Lightning at the Weenie Roast (he was basically his 'date'), and found out that Lightning had gotten a tattoo (from the famed artist Cartoon) of, get this, a busty babe rolling around on top of piles of money!  Needless to say, the other guys mocked him for it.  "How white trash is that??"  He tried to defend himself with something like how they represent his twin downfalls, "beautiful women and money".   Ralph: "Like those are your problems in life!" 

Kevin recapped last night's WB's Superstar USA finale -  It turns out that the final reveal was uncomfortable (to the audience and judges, as well as Kevin) and not so funny when it actualy happened.  After telling Jaime the real purpose of the show, Bryan McFadden, the awful host, padded her right back up by telling her how much the audience loves her, and how they could help train her to become a true superstar.

The New York Post reports that parents are getting their graduating high school daughters boob jobs!  Caller Sally had implants when she was 17 (and a girlfriend!).  And it was mom's idea! Another caller told of how the step-dad performed the surgeries himself.  Ew!

Bit: John Kerry - with gas prices going down, the economy ok, and the US pulling out of Iraq, what have you got to use against the president now?  "Well, he's still retarded."  So who's going to be your Vice Presidential nominee?  "Foreign powers suggested Senator McCain.  I'm not at liberty to say who."  "Oh, and I just had a tattoo done by Cartoon with Elizabeth rolling around on a stack of cash. What's that? Damn it, he said that was the only one!!"

Jay Mohr - told stories about modeling basketball uniforms with pro players, Shaq's 'titty fat', his SNL days (including Chris Farley's doodie), being dissed by Marisa Tomei, and his new book.

"Derek Newcastle" - the pompous British host of Joe Schmo 2 talked to Kevin and Bean about dining with his buddy Michael Caine, Montecore the falcon that provides the twist on his show, and the Pearl Necklace ceremonies.   Starts tonight at 10pm on SpikeTV, woo hoo!

Ralph Showbiz Report

Yup, Courtney Cox is indeed naming her new daughter Cocoa.  Cocoa Cox.  Lisa: "I don't like that." Ralph retorts, "Since when have you not liked cocoa cocks, Lisa?"

Scarlett Johanssen is now dating Jared Leto.  Also Heath Ledger is dating Dawson's Creek hottie Michelle Williams.

The 3rd Surreal Life cast has been announced: Dave Coulier (from Full House), Flavor Flav (from Public Enemy), Jordan Knight (from New Kids on the Block), Bridgette Nielsen, Ryan Starr (American Idol 1), and, yes, Charo!  That is awesome, can't wait!

Looking for something to do for Father's Day this weekend?  Ralph suggests Erotica Los Angeles!