9/15 - Exorcisms, Lick Lisa, Gadgets, Pirates, and Preston Federleezee

7:10 - Exorcisms
Ever been possessed by the devil? Assistant producer Alex had an Indian high school teacher who once saw 4 grown men holding down one little girl in an exorcism ritual. There was a crazy man's voice yelling, which turned out to be coming from the girl! She was also speaking in foreign language (Ralph joked, in his Apu voice: "It was saying, 'Bring me some a Slurpee!'"), vomiting, etc! Psycho Mike told how he had a seizure once, and a female classmate was absolutely convinced he was possessed by the devil! Turns out he was on Ecstasy. Kevin wasn't so sure: "By now, we know she was right!"

Listeners called in with their stories, like a woman who saw a fat woman in church speaking in a foreign language, and then LEVITATED! Another guy saw a girl levitating in the middle of the Amazon! Another woman's little sister's mouth foamed during a possession, with weird voices coming out of her. One girl who was often angry actually had the ritual performed on her! She didn't know she was possessed, but she did feel less angry afterwards, so something sure worked. Wow.

7:44 - Gadgets
Tony Romando, editor-in-chief of Sync Magazine, talked about the iPod Nano (which Kevin just got), which works and feels exactly the same as the original iPod, but is way smaller, and has a color screen! He also talked about the Motorola ROKR (basically the Nano mixed with a cell phone), the Motorola Ojo video phone (a home-phone with excellent real-time video), and the Lap Juicer, which, well, you gotta see for yourself!

8:13 - Lick Lisa
Intern Cricket licked Lisa as contestants vied for Inland Invasion tickets (in the grass area). Apparently, Kevin got an email raving about Cricket's mad oral skills, touting that "she could teach a class!" Sure enough, Lisa agreed: "You guys are missing OUT!"

8:30 - Bit: Shaq
In Miami recently, Shaq saw a guy throw a bottle at gay couple. He followed the guy, and called the cops on him. He also wants to be a reserve cop program there. The boys called him up, wondering what he was out doing when he came upon the incident: "I was on a date with Mariska Hargitay, going over 'penal code', showing her my night stick!" A special occasional appearance by actor Ben Livingston, who does Shaq for the show.

8:44 - Bit: Preston Michael Spears (PMS) Federleezee
Little Preston made a surprise appearance yesterday, arriving from Britney's womb by Cesarean. The boys dubbed him DJ PMS when he answered the phone! He had some observations: "The atmosphere here in LA is similar to Britney's uterus!" He's already banging broads too: "You'd be surprised what you can do with a half inch penis!" He sang another hilarious new song. "Brand New Pimp."

9:13 - Pirates for Hire!
Ahoy! Ted Shred , CEO of Pirates for Hire, talked about how, yes, he's got pirates for rent! It's a group of actors from theater groups, who are also axe throwers, fire breathers, stunt people, and a special lady, Tanya, a wench who flogs guys as a bullwhip expert! Ted noted how the Kevin and Bean Show does more to promote Pirate Day than any other media outlet, and that he gets a lot of comments about them. In addition to the actors, his company also provides lighting, props, food, and drinks too. The boys (as in just Ralph) was excited and asked for him to send a gang down to the show next Monday (official date of Talk Like a Pirate Day): "Mostly wenches, please! Without the whips. And with big gunpowder kegs, if you know what I mean?" Side note: on Oct. 6, 5pm-midnight, Ted's hosting a festival raising money for New Orleans hurricane victims at the Santa Monica Promenande, with pirates, bands, singing, dancing, circus performers, comedians, and more. "It's piratical fun for the whole family!" Kevin's not exactly on board: "All right, easy dude."

9:30 - Ralph Character: "Dick Cheney"
Did you see the guy who was yelling, "Go F yourself!" when Dick Cheney was giving a speech in Gulfport, Mississippi? Kevin thought it was ironic that Dick himself had similarly cussed out a critic himself last year. "Dick" wasn't so amused: "Go [beep] yourself, mother[beep]er!"

9:44 - Ralph Showbiz Report

Ralph got an email from a high school English teacher, saying that she gave extra credit to students who talked like a pirate on Talk Like a Pirate Day! "That's my kind of teacher right there!"

Britney gave birth. "It was an exorcism of Britney, really."

Keith Richards may not be able to be in the Pirates of the Caribbean sequel, as he's on tour, and can't take time off from his rigid schedule of drugs...allegedly.

A Madagascar sequel will go direct-to-video.

AMC movie theaters today are donating ALL proceeds to Hurricane Katrina victims. "So spend the extra quarter for the combo - it's worth it!"

Tomorrow: The Bravery performs live, in-studio, Movie Beat, Whole Enchilada, an FBI agent on Hurricane Katrina benefit scam websites (BOOOO!), Paul Reiser, and Annelle on whether Bush really does hate black people.

tags: gadgets  paranormal  pirates  federleezee