9/14 - Adam Goldberg, Chupacabra Sightings, and, Yes, Anal Bleaching

I actually missed the Adam Goldberg interview (assuming they had it) - will listen and recap later, but please go ahead and post if you heard it!

7:15 - Infomercials
Kevin's not infomercial guy at all. But flipping around one night, he saw a guy promoting a bread that supposedly cures cancer, but the FDA doesn't want you to know about it! Kevin ended buying the book the guy was pitching: Natural Cures. He subsequently also bought the Ronco chicken cooker, the Little Giant ladder system, the Slenderbelt abdominal device, an air mattress system (Infomercial: "You can do a somersault while holding a bowling ball and not disturb the person next to you!"), a real estate secrets guide, the portable Ultimate Ladder (cause the Little Giant's not enough!), and Luminator sunglasses. No, he's not an infomercial guy at all!

7:30 - Ralph Character: The DWP Guys Who Cut the Wrong Power Cord
How about that blackout in LA the other day? People were stuck in elevators, stores closed, hospital surgeries cancelled, in-all, over 2 million people affected, costing an estimate of $24 million per hour. It turned out, that one worker cut the wrong cord. Doh! The boys were able to call the guy up, and it turns out it was the 3 Stooges! Unfortunately, they don't seem to have learned their lesson: "Nyuk nyuk nyuk. naaaaaah. Shut up you idiot! Woowoowoowooo! Don't cut that wire!" [Explosion sound.] Moe: "Somebody get me a flashlight."

8:10 - Anal Bleaching
Do you think you're too dark 'down there'? Or have a partner who is? Has that even ever occured to you?? The boys grudgingly talked to Cindy Esser-Thorin, proprietor of a Sherman Oaks spa that does this! Yuck! Apparently, people come from around the world to have this done. The process goes like this: they first wax the hair out of anal area (Kevin: "Right there, I'm already out!"), and then put the bleaching product on ("It encourages penetration in the anal region." [Snicker]). Apparently, people think they have dark 'winkers' because they don't wipe well (ew!) but they're wrong - it's a genetic thing! See? You learn something useful everyday on the K&B Show.

Porn stars were the first to start doing this, but has since grown in popularity among regular folks. Kevin: "Here's our wedding gift to you, Mike: bunghole brightening!" Mike was actually happy to do this, and will actually be going today with a tape recorder for tomorrow's show. "You just better not go overboard, cause then it would look like Kevin's hair!" Ralph: "Cindy, you really help the underbelly of society - God bless you!" Here's an article about her business.

8:28 - Listener Call-In: Chupacabra Sightings
A friend of Kevin's says he saw a Chupacabra surfing near San Onofre. Apparently they've had many sightings there, and word is they're making their way up north, headed towards LA. Ralph joked that this surfer friend was probably smoking a little just before.

Shaky-sounding listeners called in with their sightings, including a guy who saw one moving super fast through trash cans in Cabo (Ralph: "(You must have seen the Chupa-basura!"), a guy who saw it running away in Riverside county, a guy who saw a little deer with a pit bull's head in Laughlin, a girl who also says she saw one in Laughlin, and a guy whose cow in Honduras was killed by one (the carcass had 2 puncture marks, and no blood!).

9:10 - Ralph Character: MJ
Michael is raising money for Katrina victims by writing a new song, called, "From the Bottom of my Heart". He sang a part of it, which sounded exactly like "We Are the World", except it was about him being innocent in the trial, and his dead career.

9:25 - Listener Email

"I'm a 6'0, 254 lb., tough dude, and I'm totally freaked out by butterflies!"

"You HAVE to get that 'meat particles' girl back on the phone!" Ralph: "You know, your olfactory nerves are connected to your brain, which would mean that poop smells are going in there too!" Kevin: "I don't want to hink about that." Ralph: "Hey, that's how it works!"

"I'm afriad of cracks in blinds, or I will freak out!" Ralph: "SO many people need to be put down in our society!"

"I'm afraid of spiders, clowns, costumed characters, water (cannot stand directly under showerhead), construction trucks on freeways, wringing or sucking on a wet cloth (my body goes into shock), and brides in their wedding dresses. Yes, my song would go: Girrrrrrl who are afraid of spiders, clowns, costumes, water, trucks, wet cloth, and women in wedding dresses...ARE WHORRRRRES!" "Hey, she provided her own theme song!"

9:40 - Ralph Showbiz Report

"Pirate joke of the day: How much does a pirate pay to get his ears pierced? About a buck-an-ear! HAHAHAHA! Can't wait for Monday!"

Michael Jackson, living in Dubai, rented out a water park for a kids' party. He wore a white, skin-tight body Lycra suit. A guy who saw him says that Michael's lost a lot of weight, and that "Lycra does him no favors." Ralph: "It doesn't do ANYbody favors!"

Paris is having trouble memorizing lines for her new movie, National Lampoon's Pledge This! "She hasn't had this much trouble since she turned 15, when she learned to tie her shoes. It was a tough year."

"That sound you hear is me burning my SAG card. Justin Timberlake in a play in London, at the Old Vic Shakespearan theater. Justin Timberlake. Justin...Timberlake."

TVLand has hired Mr. T to do a talk show, actually called I Pity the Fool! "Greatest talk show EVER!"

SmokingGun reports that one of the Apprentice contestants is a former Las Vegas stripper! A guy once became obsessed with her and fell into a life of crime to get money to get her, landing in jail. "The money-grubbing whore will now be a TV star, no justice. Trump will say: "Strippa, you're hired""

Tomorrow: Lick Lisa for Inland Invasion tickets, the iPod Nano (Ralph saw one the size of a dice that holds 1 GB!), people with experience with exorcisms.

tags: butts  gross  ralphcharacters  infomercials  paranormal